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Experience shows that success is due less to ability that to zeal. The winner is he who gives himself to his work, body and soul. Charles Buxton

A series of short pieces on how to promote constructive dialog and understanding as well to promote a better Indonesia. See First things First (1) and (2)

11/24/02

The quickest way to a defeat in life is to play like a victim. In sport, ask any triumphant players how they reached their victories. None of them will say because they think and play like losers. But ask them what is the fastest way to a defeat. All of them will chorus, “Play like a loser.”

In the movie industry, ask any successful actors how they achieve their fames. None of them will say because they always play roles as losers. In fact, the fastest way to success in the movie industry is to play a role as a hero or champion.  Now ask any successful business people what is the recipe for success. They will say, “Do business like winners.”  And what is the recipe for failure? They will yell, “Keep thinking your business as a failure one.”

When perception is reality

Like it or not, life is a game. When one plays a game correctly, she will likely be rewarded with a win although there is always a chance that she will end up with a loss. In other words, the outcome of the game is not entirely determined by how well one plays, rather something else is inherently embedded in the game: perception. In the real world, there are winners and there are losers. But perception is often the single factor that separates the losers from the winners. This is because, in most cases, perception is reality. When one perceives she will win a game, that perception is transformed into power and subsequently converted into action. As what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Do what you know and perception is converted into character,” perception could finally be one’s destiny.

Also, in the real world there are victims and there are predators. A jungle is a perfect example where we can easily notice this phenomenon. But the human beings’ real world is no different from jungle. Rules, ethics, Constitutions are all man-made regulations designed to make human’s jungle become a more civilized world but, sadly, it frequently becomes human’s tangle. And reality shows – through out human’s history and present situation - that religion is not always the solution as it commonly sparks bloody acts committed by its followers. There has to be something more fundamental than rules, ethics and Constitution although all of them are required to make the world a safe place to live. The more fundamental phenomenon apparently has something to do with game, victim and perception.

Notwithstanding the bulks of rules, ethics and Constitution all over the globe, the world will never be a fair place to live.  Just as there is good and bad in everything, there are fairness and unfairness in this globe.  A teaching or education process that only teaches that the world is fair or the world is unfair is misleading. 

Interestingly, although both teachings are misleading their consequences are completely different. A person who has often or always been taught that the world is fair will likely be shocked when he is being treated unfairly in his daily activities. While he is shocked, his reaction to unfair treatment most likely will not be extreme because of his perception that the world is fair. And if this individual meets another person who has also been taught that the world is fair, they almost certainly celebrate their encounter with enjoyment and share their joy to others.

On the other hand, a person who has often been taught that the world is unfair will see the reality differently than the one who is taught that the world is fair. Rather than self-restricting himself from extreme acts, this individual will likely launch radical measures in his reaction to unfair treatments. Rather than celebrating life and spreading his joyful gesture to others when he meets another person who is taught that the world is fair, his reaction is full of suspicious. The implanted suspicious in his mind will perpetuate which finally results in hatred toward others. In the end, rather than being a winner this individual is a loser. Simply, the difference in the two different education processes is the first teaching often creates naïve individuals, the second one produces haters who commonly view other people as enemies.

Once again, the fact shows that the world is often unfair. This is an undeniable reality. But to miss the beauty of life because of this reality is the same as to embrace misery. Unfairness must not nullify our spirit to treat other fair. And hate must not defeat our kindness toward anyone.

Reactions to suffering

Hate is inspired and energized by a perception that one is being victimized. In order to make people hate others so deeply one must make them believe that they are being victimized. They must feel that they are being robbed and abused. Our history is full of abuses, exploitations and wars. A few European countries colonialized more than half of the world decades ago. In the post World War II, the Western countries supported dictatorial regimes in under-developed and developing countries and benefited from those countries by making lucrative deals with the dictatorial or corrupt regimes leaving the average people poor. As a result, many people in those countries view themselves as victims and the West, together with several Western-initiated institutions such as the IMF and the World Bank, is seen as predators.

Both views deserve credits, but the follow-up action to the views that really matters. Most people have had experience as victims, either by unfair treatments or simply by inexplicable acts of others. And today, there are millions of individuals are victims of any kinds of unfair and injustice treatments. There are nations which are also victims and used to be victims.

While victims are usually suffered, it is the reaction to suffering that defines the destiny of any individual or entity including a nation. Extreme reactions to get sympathy or to score the game will end up just the opposite: misery and loosing the game. Consider a simple illustration. Mr. A steals Mr. B’s property. In response, Mr. B kills Mr. A.

From this illustration, Mr. A not only brings more misery to himself but also completely loosing the game. He plays such game because he rationalizes that his suffering will justify any actions that he might do toward the thief. He forgets the basic fact that a victim that keeps playing like a victim will forever be a victim.

One of the most wonderful things in life is when victims become victorious through an elegant and civilized play. Japan and Germany are two real and perfect examples. After their horrific defeat in the World War, the two countries emerged as champions through their strong inner spirit for success coupled with their commitment on obeying ethics and rules. Where is in the world that the atomic bombs had ever been exploded? Japan! Where is in the world that a strong wall had once been erected to separate one nation into two? Germany! But it is their reactions to humiliating and bloody defeats than have defined the success story of Japan and Germany.

So, while we are victims, let’s not play like losers.  Instead, let’s play the game in an elegant and civilized way. Only through such way can we  become victorious. And think of the application of this rule to many disputes, conflicts and hate around the world, including the conflict in the Middle East, terrorism and radicalism, as well. And think of how to applying this rule in promoting a better Indonesia.

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